_b.f(renemies).f.

Dear BFF -

You're my bestie, damnit! Like it or not you are stuck with me and you will have to "Stand By Me" and get leeches in your panties if we ever so choose to go back in time and go on a very dangerous journey together that may even involve train tracks and broken limbs, ok?

You are from here forth solely responsible for:
1. My happiness, in its entirety, especially on those days where I am self-loathing and won't get out of bed on purpose because that what the movies tell me to do (could you be a doll and bring some ice cream, thnx!)
2. Standing there, watching, waiting unmoved, while I throw a tantrum
3. Eating popcorn through a drunken rampage, because let's be real, GGGGGREAT story in the morning
4. Rubbing my back throughout my unwarranted tears at the new Rihanna club track that has a line in it that reminds me of my ex that I will casually continue to play until I get a full on blubber going
5. Putting me to bed without letting me eat ANOTHER slice of pizza
6. Telling me when I am out of line when I shit talk someone else who, really, I know nothing about but JESUS they don't even look good on Facebook and I can't believe that my ex would ever even consider kissing them, PUKE, how could they!
7. Calling me out when I am an inconsiderate dick
8. Making sure that I know I am not ugly even though I will pull so many guilty lines to make sure you think I am and show you pictures of people who "I'll never sleep with"
9. Giving me a hug when it goes unsaid that I need one
10. Shooting me that look when you know its all I need, in any situation, even via the phone (I see ya)

You are mine, then, for bad or for worse, and until dominating romantic relationship do us part.

I love you, therefore I mistreat you.

I hate you, therefore I stand by you through everything.

I have history with you, therefore I will never let you forget it (especially since I have pictures to prove it, biotch).

I want nothing for the best for you, therefore I will give you shit until you recognize that you deserve it.

I hold you to the highest of expectations, therefore you will let me down constantly only to keep me grounded and patient.

I respect you like none other, therefore I am jealous your every success and so proud that I was there to watch you grow into it.

I never want you out of my life, therefore steer clear of that asshole (cause you're better than his wack ass anyways).

Beb, you are my whole world, and although sometimes we don't reciprocate, or we do so in the ugliest ways, just know that the bullshit is what keeps me hanging on. The rough times, the catty tweets, the little jabs here and there, that's what let's me know we are for real, that we are real.

And even if it comes down to you and your competitive knitting class or that one night stand who I am thinking of calling back because I know I'll for sure snag some bootay, I'll sit through the knitting class and make a wool condom for later.

I got your back, boo. Don't ever doubt it. I'll fight you for your love, because that's what makes you worth it.

-- UR BFF<3